The math teacher saw that little
Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said,
"Johnny! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC,
CBS, HBO, and the Cartoon Network!"
When I stopped the bus to pick up Chris for preschool, I noticed an
older woman hugging him as he left the house. "Is that your grandmother?"
I asked. "Yes, 'Chris said. "She's come to visit us for Christmas."
"How nice," I said. "Where does she live?" "At the airport," Chris replied.
"Whenever we want her, we just go out there and get her."
I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided
to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was.
She would tell me, and she was always correct. But it was fun for me,
so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma,
I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!"
When the mother returned from the grocery store, her small son pulled
out the box of animal crackers he had begged for, then he spread the
animal-shaped crackers all over the kitchen counter. "What are you doing?"
his Mom asked. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken,"
the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal."
This little grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one
morning. He had made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of
coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom, there were three of
those little green army men and she asked him why they were they and
he said on TV they say, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your
A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a new litter of kittens.
On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, "There were
two boy kittens and two girl kittens." "How did you know that?" his
mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied.
"I think it's printed on the bottom."
THE ELDERLY: While working for an organization that delivers lunches
to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my
afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances
of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day
I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As
I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely
turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old
came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.
She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember
Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, "but
what is growing in your butt?"
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground,
Mrs. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the
teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I made
ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Bobby looked
up and replied, "Well, Mrs. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
"When I Die, I Want To Die Like My Grandfather Who Died Peacefully In
His Sleep. Not Screaming Like All The Passengers In His Car."