Customer Service Rep: Yes, Ma'am, how
can I help you today?

Customer: Well, after much consideration,
I've decided to install love.
Can you guide me through the process?

CS Rep: Yes, I can help you.
Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I'm not very technical,
but I think I'm ready to install
now. What do I do first?

CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART.
Have you located your HEART ma'am?

 



Customer: Yes I have, but there are
several other programs running right
now. Is it okay to install while they are running?

CS Rep: What programs are running ma'am?

Customer: Let's see, I have PAST-HURT.EXE,
LOW-ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and
RESENTMENT.COM running right now.

CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will gradually
erase PAST-HURT.EXE from your
current operating system. It may remain
in your permanent memory, but it
will no longer disrupt other programs.
LOVE will eventually overwrite
LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own
called HIGH- ESTEEM.EXE. However,
you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE
and RESENTMENT.COM. Those
programs prevent LOVE from being properly
installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?

 



Customer: I don't know how to turn
them off. Can you tell me how?

CS Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu
and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do
this as many times as necessary until
GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have
been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, done. LOVE has started
installing itself automatically. Is that normal?

CS Rep: Yes. You should receive a message |
that says it will reinstall for
the life of your HEART.
Do you see that message?

 



Customer: Yes I do.
Is it completely installed?

CS Rep: Yes, but remember that
you have only the base program. You need to
begin connecting to other Heart's
in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops. I have an error
message already. What should I do?

CS Rep: What does the message say?

Customer: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM
NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS."
What does that mean?

CS Rep: Don't worry ma'am, that's a
common problem. It means that the LOVE
program is set up to run on external
HEARTS but has not yet been run on
your HEART. It is one of those
complicated programming things, but in
non-technical terms it means you have
to "LOVE" your own machine before it
can "LOVE" others.


Customer: So what should I do?

CS Rep: Can you pull down the directory
called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?

Customer: Yes, I have it.

CS Rep: Excellent.
You're getting good at this.

Customer: Thank you.

CS Rep: You're welcome. Click on the
following files and then copy them to
the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVE-SELF.DOC,
REALIZE-WORTH.TXT, and
ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.DOC.
The system will overwrite any conflicting
files and begin patching any programming.
Also, you need to delete
SELF-CRITIC.EXE from all directories,
and to make sure it is completely
gone and never comes back,
you will need to empty your recycle bin.

 



Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is
filling up with new files. SMILE.MPG is
playing on my monitor right now
and it shows that PEACE.EXE, and
CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves
all over my HEART. Is this normal?

C Rep: Sometimes. For others it takes
a while, but eventually everything
gets downloaded at the proper time.
So, LOVE is installed and running. You
should be able to handle it from here.
One more thing before I go.

Customer: Yes?

CS Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to
give it and its various modules to
everybody you meet. They will in turn
share it with other people and they
will return some similarly
cool modules back to you.

Customer: I will. Thanks for your help.
By the way, what's your name?

 



CS Rep: You can call me the Divine Cardiologist,
also known as The Great
Physician. Most people feel all they
need is an annual checkup to stay
heart-healthy, but the manufacturer
suggests a schedule of daily
maintenance for maximum efficiency.

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