A Redneck Valentine

Collards is green
my dog's name is Blue
and he's all I know of
that's purdier than you.



Yore hair is like cornsilk
a-flapping in the breeze
Softer than Blue's
and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass,
which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales
but I luv you anyway.



Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
jist a-fry'n in the pan
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"
right out of the can.

You have som'a yore teeth,
for which I am proud;
I hold my head high
when we're in a crowd.



On special occasions,
when you shave under yore arms,
well, I'm in hawg heaven,
and awed by yore charms.

Still them fellers at work,
they all want to know,
what I did to deserve
such a purdy, young doe.



Like a good roll of duct tape
yo're there fer yore man,
to patch up life's troubles
and fix what you can.

Yo're as cute as a junebug
a-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like them far ants
I found in my bed.



Cut from the best cloth
like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life
more than a fresh load of dirt.

When you hold me real tight
like a padded gunrack,
my life is complete;
Ain't nuttin' I lack.



Yore complexion, it's perfection,
like the best vinyl sidin'.
despite all the years ,
yore age, it keeps hidin'.

Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
with a RC cold drank,
we go together like
a skunk goes with stank.



Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart, it's romantic that way.
Some men git roses on that special day
from the cooler at Kroger. "That's awsum," I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market stand.
"Diamonds are forever," they explain, proud an' grand.
But for this man, honey, these gifts jus' won't do.
Cause yo're far too special, you sweet thang you.



I got you a gift,
without taste nor odor,
more useful than diamonds...
IT'S A NEW TROLLIN' MOTOR!!